I’ve now come to understand that this exercise (30 blog posts in 30 days) is not about the writing. It is about doing something that I said I would do and being true to my word.

I am thinking of getting a pixie cut. A real one. My reference will be too old for most but it’s Demi Moore in Ghost without the bangs (my hair being far too wavy for bangs).

The reason: in the last year of coloring my hair (today’s biggest understatement) it is still extremely damaged, a completely different texture than what I was born with, and falling out at a rate that far exceeds what it ever did bleach entered my life.

I want to start fresh. I hope my mom’s not reading this - she will flip out.

Robing Wright in House of Cards is a better reference.

What ended up happening to my hair has been such a drain on my energy and bank account, it really feels like no solution at this point other than to chop it all off.

I don’t really think I have the face for such a dramatic look, which is a concern. I would have to settle on eyelash extensions for the first time.

When I think about ALL THE THINGS I could be thinking about and feeling, all the emotions that are coming up during my recent NY to LA transition, not to mention everything going on in the world, it’s a wonder that what grabs my serenity out of my soul every single day

hair.

What I have got to accept is that what’s done is done…and it is NEVER coming back.

Gone.

The Hair Formerly Known as Lindsay’s Dark Brown Full Head of Hair is what I must contend with.

I may affirm it temporarily…take a look and smile…say we’re cool.

All the while on the inside I am doing whatever I can to keep from crying when I look in the mirror. More for the hair loss and texture change than anything else.

Why can’t I just let it grow back?

Oh, because I’m gray.

I’ve been going gray since high school, actually, when boys would notice a bright, unruly strand and tap me on the shoulder to point it out.

Now it is at about 85%.

All gray is another choice. Jamie Lee Curtis — how happy she looks!

Natural, aligned and hiding nothing. Not over identifying with signifiers of youth and womanhood.

The final option, which I am leaning towards, is cutting it very short and color it dark brown. Gradually going darker still and eventually getting back to my regular color (pre gray).

I will keep you posted.